It's Simply Impossible
by ifyouevercomebackx
Summary: How would you feel if the one thing loved unconditionally was gone and was never coming back? The most important thing in Miley's life is gone - her baby. And she can't bring him back. ONESHOT. Slight Niley.


It's estimated that, every year in the United States, there are approximately 11,000 babies born. Some mothers are happy, ecstatic to finally have a child of their own. Some mothers are upset, wishing that they didn't keep the baby that they never wanted. Me? I'm neither.

I had my baby. I had my perfect little angel. _Aiden_. He was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen in my life. When I held him, I felt as though my world was complete. But it wasn't. Because things don't stay perfect forever, do they?

He's gone. My baby's gone. My little angel is gone. I don't know how. I don't know why. All I know is that my Aiden is gone and there's not a thing I can do about it.

I stare at the tiny white casket at the front of the church. It's so small. My eye catches the picture beside it. Nick took the picture just after he was born. It was blown up especially for the service.

I close my eyes. I can't do this. I can't bury my own son. I never got to know him. I never got to see him take his first steps or ride a bike for the first time or get his first crush or even say his first words. I never got to see it. I never will ...

"Miley, it's about to start."

I open my eyes and look up at Nick. His hand is placed gently on my back as he looks at me, concerned. The service is about to start.

What does he want me to say? What does he want me to do? I find it hard to feel anything, never mind say or do something at my own baby's funeral. I don't want to be here. I don't want to have to bury my son. I want to hold him in my arms at least one more time and let him know how much I love him, how much he means to me, how special he is.

The organ starts. Everyone rises to their feet. Except me. I can't stand. I can't move at all. My eyes are glued to that tiny little casket at the top. That's my boy. That's my baby. My perfect little angel. The baby I had always wanted.

"Miley, it's starting," Nick whispers. He takes me by the arm and gently pulls me to my feet.

I glare at him, tears in my eyes. I don't want to be here. I really don't want to bury our baby. Why can't he understand that?

The pastor rose to his feet and began to speak. I spaced out. I didn't want to hear. The words of the pastor would just make the whole thing a reality when all I wanted was to believe that it was some sort of dreadful nightmare. I didn't want any of this to be real. I just wanted the life I had dreamed of as a kid.

Nick and I started dating in high school. He was the football captain, I was head cheerleader. I know what you're thinking – what a cliché, right? But Nick and I were different. We weren't one of those superficial and arrogant couples that were together for the sake of it. We really did love one another. We ended up going to college together and got married pretty soon after we graduated. We had our whole lives planned out. Nick already had a good job. We were happy. Then we found out I was pregnant. I felt like I finally had that perfect life that every little girl dreams of.

I gave birth one week early. Aiden was born healthily and was brought home quickly. He was happy to be home with his parents. He was fine.

Then it happened. It took three weeks. My perfect little angel was gone. Aiden passed away on the afternoon of April 12th 2011. My baby was gone and I could do nothing to bring him back. Aiden's death was registered as sudden infant death syndrome, also known as cot death.

Nobody knows why Aiden's gone. No one knows how. All we know is that Aiden is gone and we can't bring him back, no matter how hard we wish that we could.

What would my life be like if Aiden wasn't dead? I would have seen him crawl for the first time. I would have heard his first words. I would have watched Nick teach him to ride a bike. I would have gotten him ready for his first day at school. I would have heard all about his first crush. I would have rented him a tux for his prom. I would have met the girl he would marry. I would have welcomed grandchildren into our lives. I would have witnessed so many milestones in his life that had now slipped away from me.

My baby had such a bright future ahead of him. He could have been anything he wanted to be. He could have married any girl out there. He could have gone to any college he wished or lived anywhere he wanted to. He had such a bright future ahead of him ...

Nick nudges me, interrupting my thoughts. "Come on out when you're ready," he mumbles.

I look up. The service is over. Nick slips past me and heads to the front with his brothers and my father. The four of them lift the casket up and slowly begin to carry it from the church. Then it finally hits me like a ton of bricks.

_I will never see Aiden again._

I feel a hand on my shoulder. Demi and my brother, Jackson, are behind me. Demi gives me a soft smile.

"Let's head out, honey," she says gently. She takes my hand and begins to lead me out of the church, following my husband and father as they walk out of the church with my baby.

I reach the doors, Jackson on one side and Demi on the other, and look out at the cloudy grey sky. I then look behind me. The congregation is waiting to follow out to the cemetery a little bit down to the road.

Demi and Jackson lead me down the steps and after the casket. I can't take my eyes off Nick, his brothers and my dad further down the path towards the cemetery. I so desperately want to just go back in time and change everything. I would make sure that everything was perfect. I would ensure that nothing could possibly kill my baby.

We soon reach the cemetery and the grave. The casket is lowered. Nick places a gentle, calming hand on my back. His calming efforts don't work. How is a hand on my back supposed to take away this pain? The pain makes me want to jump in after my baby and hold him, maybe even try to bring him back to life again. I can't ... I don't think that I can do this.

"Would you like to say a few words?" the pastor murmurs to me.

I slowly shake my head. He asks Nick. Nick hesitates, then nods. He steps to the top of the grave and stares down at the casket inside.

"Aiden ... was the most beautiful baby I've ever seen in my life," he whispers. "He was our perfect little son." He smiles slightly and looks over at me. "I remember the day Miley told me she was pregnant. She thought I'd be mad. She thought I didn't want a kid. But I wanted nothing more than to start a family with my wife." He takes a shaky breath and closes his eyes. "Aiden was our perfect little angel. I will love and miss him until the day I die." He opens his eyes, revealing his chocolate brown orbs, filled with tears and sadness. "Rest in peace, Aiden," he whispers.

I can't move. Nick's words fill my mind, echoing inside my head, reminding me of the fact that Aiden is gone, reminding me of the hole in my heart left by the loss of my baby, reminding me that my perfect little life with my perfect husband and my perfect little baby is dead and gone.

Before I realise, I fall to my knees, sobbing violently. Nick races over and gets down beside me. "Miley, baby, come on. Calm down," he whispers. I can tell he wants to cry just as much as I do, but he feels the need to stay strong for me. "Does anybody have any water?" he asks.

Jackson hands him a bottle of water. Nick holds it out to me, but I shake my head. Jackson helps Nick lift me to my feet. Nick wraps an arm around my waist for support and kisses the side of my head.

"We'll be fine," he whispers. I can tell how he feels. I know what he's doing. He's trying to convince himself more than me. I know that he feels the emptiness just as much as I do.

Jackson, Nick and Demi guide me back to the church and back to the car. I glance back at the congregation of people at my baby's grave, all beginning to scatter and leave the funeral. Then it hits me.

_That's it. It's over. No more funeral. No more goodbyes._

The car starts and Nick grips my hand tightly. Jackson begins to drive back to the house. I guess this is it, then. This is our life now. This is how it's going to be from now on. Nick and me, all on our own. No children. No pets. No housekeepers. Just us alone.

"We can try again," he whispers.

I drown him out. I don't want to try again. I don't want another baby. I just want Aiden. I want my little boy to be in the car seat we bought for him. I want him to lie in his crib. I want to feed him his bottle. I want him to play with all the toys Nick's parents bought. I want my baby back.

Nothing can and ever will fill the emptiness left in my life that Aiden's death has left me with. It's simply impossible.

**Short little oneshot I just wrote last night. I was inspired by the Eastenders storyline at the minute. If you don't watch Eastenders (a British soap, in case you don't know), the big storyline at the minute is a baby swap. A character named Ronnie had a baby who suffered a cot death. She panicked and stole the baby of another character, Kat. Kat, her husband Alfie and everyone else on the show was left to believe that it was Kat's baby that was dead when, in fact, it was Ronnie and her husband Jack's baby. Last night, it all came to a head when the baby was given back to Kat. The storyline has caused a lot of controversy here in the UK. I obviously am not basing this oneshot on the baby swap, but the idea of a woman's life being completely ruined by the death of their newborn baby. I tried to be as sensitive as I could towards the subject of cot death. I understand that it's a risky topic to write about, but I wanted to give it a go. I'm so sorry if I offended anyone by this. If anybody found the story upsetting or offensive, I will take it down immediately.**

**Sorry if I got the whole Baptist funeral thing wrong. I heard that Miley is a Baptist and I wasn't sure about Nick (so many different answers on the internet) so I just went with a Baptist funeral. I personally am not a Baptist, nor do I know any Baptists. I personally am a Catholic and have only ever been to a Catholic funeral. I did some research and worked with what I found out. I apologise if I got anything wrong about the Baptist traditions.**

**Anyway, this was just a short thing to pass the time. I hope you enjoyed. I'll get to work on YWFAT as soon as I have time. I'm off school for Easter break next Wednesday, so I'll try and update and maybe even complete YWFAT before the end of my Easter break. Leave a review and tell me what you thought! Thanks for reading x**

**Happy Easter and/or Passover! :)**


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